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Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Anger Management
Thanks to NARZ for this little gem.
When you occasionally have a really bad day and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on Someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I Politely said, "This is David. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last twoDigits. After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a C*nt!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'C*nt' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a C*nt!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "C*nt" Calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from British Telecom. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a C*nt!"
One day I was at the local Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the Horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. Noticed a "For Sale " sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first C*nt (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover C*nt, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street , in Ilford. It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Steve Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Steve?"
"I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed."
"Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Steve, you're a C*nt!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two a**eholes to call. Then one day I came up with an idea.
I called C*nt #1.
"Hello?" "You're a C*nt!" (but I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah." I said.
"Stop calling me!" he screamed.
"Make me." I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Steve Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"I live at 129 Alice Street , Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared... C*nt." and hung up.
Then I called C*nt #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, C*nt," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll do f*cking what?" I said
"I'll kick your f*cking a*se," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, C*nt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street , Ilford, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in Alice Street , Ilford.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street . I got there just in time to watch two C*nts beating the living sh!t out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a News crew.
Now I feel MUCH better.
Take it from me, anger management really works.
When you occasionally have a really bad day and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on Someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I Politely said, "This is David. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last twoDigits. After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a C*nt!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'C*nt' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a C*nt!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "C*nt" Calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from British Telecom. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a C*nt!"
One day I was at the local Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the Horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. Noticed a "For Sale " sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first C*nt (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover C*nt, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street , in Ilford. It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Steve Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Steve?"
"I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed."
"Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Steve, you're a C*nt!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two a**eholes to call. Then one day I came up with an idea.
I called C*nt #1.
"Hello?" "You're a C*nt!" (but I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah." I said.
"Stop calling me!" he screamed.
"Make me." I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Steve Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"I live at 129 Alice Street , Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared... C*nt." and hung up.
Then I called C*nt #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, C*nt," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll do f*cking what?" I said
"I'll kick your f*cking a*se," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, C*nt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street , Ilford, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in Alice Street , Ilford.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street . I got there just in time to watch two C*nts beating the living sh!t out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a News crew.
Now I feel MUCH better.
Take it from me, anger management really works.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Population Puzzle - the speech that started it all.
In NO WAY do I endorse the Labor party's stance on population or anything else. It's just that for once a Labor politician said what he thinks and I.M.H.O. it happens to be very very true.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
SCHUMACHER ‘SORRY’
Michael Schumacher has said he is ‘sorry’ for strafing machine gun fire across the drivers’ press conference at the Hungarian Grand Prix.‘On reflection my actions were too hard,’ said Schumacher on his website. ‘By spraying the entire room with countless rounds of intense gun fire I didn’t want to endanger anyone. If any of the other drivers had this feeling then I am sorry, it was not my intention to cause them to leap out of windows in a blind, terrified panic.’
The seven-time world champion initially denied that he had done anything wrong by hosing down a room of over 30 people using a series of rapidly discharging hand held weapons.
‘Immediately after the race I was still in the heat of it all,’ Schumacher’s statement continued. ‘But after I looked at the amount of furniture that had been cleaved clean in two by my intense bursts of hot lead, I have to say the authorities were correct to intervene.’
After analysing the way in which Schumacher inexplicably hammered at a crowded space with relentless machine gun fire, F1 stewards have decided to penalise the German driver by insisting that he leaves all belt fed weaponary at home for the next grand prix.
AS REPORTED BY sniffpetrol.com
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AS REPORTED BY sniffpetrol.com
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Friday, August 13, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
PIKES PEAK + 700KW + Monster Tajima = FUN!!
This makes Mt BullerLlake Mountain Sprints look a little, well, lame to say the least.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Bowler Nemesis EXR - My Type Of Range Rover
This is the Bowler Nemesis EXR, A road going version of their Dakar racer. 0-100 KPH in under 5 seconds. I just can't decide whether to get a silver or white one.
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